In which the moon pulls on my heart

I have a bit of a fixation with the moon. I have for most of my life, actually, as long as I can remember. I never really thought about this fixation, either, until very recently. But the moon is one of those things that I notice, and let distract me, and take comfort in. And there’s more to it than just a little cliché appreciation for its beauty.

So, let’s start at the beginning: I was born on a Blue Moon. This was also a connection I only recently made. It has been overshadowed by the fact that I was born on a holiday, and that I don’t like my birthday. But being born on a Blue Moon is one of those declarations I tend to make about myself. Like, “I’m a Smithie!” Or, “I’ve never met anyone with my first name before.” And, “I was born on a Blue Moon!” Maybe because it’s random, and special, and not many people actually know what it is. And I just secretly want to be painfully unique.

I can’t even mention how often I have been driving home from work after my night shift and the moon comes into view, and I just shout to myself in excitement. When the sky is particularly clear, or the moon is extra large, or has taken on a beautiful orange glow. All of these have been opportunities (both seen and taken) for me to exclaim: “The moon!” It’s become one of those things that I just do.

I have distinct memories of watching the sky at night in the car when I was little. There was a bit of routine to it, as well. I would lean back, with my forehead rested against the glass of the window, and my head cradled in the seatbelt. I could comfortably watch the sky as we passed beneath it for as long as it took to get home. This feeling of calm would wash over me, probably mixed with contentment and exhaustion, and I would feel so good. I’m not often driven around late at night anymore, because I’m usually doing the driving, or too caught up in a conversation.

But stopping to look up when I’m outside is still a common occurrence. And trying to Instagram the moon. Successfully, only twice, but I try often. Maybe I keep noticing the moon because I’m thinking about it. Or because I’m listening to a lot of Gregory Alan Isakov lately.

It’s one of those things that will instantly ground me, and calm my spirit. I’ve been trying to take advantage of those things recently. I want to take the time to appreciate things in my life – both big and small – that make me feel positive emotions. And the moon has that pull on my heart, just as it pulls on the ocean.

This was originally written in April of 2014.

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